Becoming complacent with your relationship after getting the girl is actually counter-productive; and here's why…
Someone recently says to me that "if men would put enough effort into their relationships and marriages the way they did before their partners said yes, maybe relationships and marriages would be 50% less difficult than they are now for many couples."
I agreed without much thought at the time but upon better consideration of the matter, I actually realise that statement is packed with a heavy truth about guys' attitude towards women and relationships.
So here’s how the chase works; boy wants girl so bad. So he does all he can to get her number, goes all charm offensive on her till he warms his way into her heart.
He calls her every time of the day, with a very obvious desire to be a part of her life, listens to every thing she says, no matter how disinterested he is about the topics she might be talking about. [That’s communication.]
Most guys seeking to get a lady are always nice – getting thoughtful gifts, bringing her meals, sending her money and generally just making her feel really good and treasured [That’s attention].
At the early stages when a guy is trying to finesse his way into a babe’s heart, the girl’s call [distressed or not] will always bring him running to her assistance or to just be there with her and keep her company. [That’s time]
Even if when he has plans with their guys, he’s willing and ready to sly them just to be with the babe.
That’s how guys are in those early stages; the times when they are out for something, when they hope to get the girl to fall in love.
They switch their schedules, stretch themselves, bend backwards and make all forms of sacrifices just to ensure that the babe becomes theirs – and ideally, this is pretty cool.
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What isn’t is how these same guys now grow complacent and stop putting in effort into the relationship as they did before the relationship began!
That’s like the most counter-productive thing ever, it’s like intentionally walking away from the path to happiness in a relationship or marriage.
If only men would realise that getting the woman to say yes is not the end.
After she’s fallen in love with you, you make her fall deeper in love by continuing with all the great things that seduced and attracted her to you originally.
It is an everyday affair, an unending cycle of of chasing her, owning her, making her yours, intertwining your soul with hers.
The sad mistake most men make is that after they get or marry the woman of their dreams, they stop putting in the effort required to keep her happy.
The arrogant belief with many guys is that “she's already in the bag,” and that “who chases a bird that’s already in the cage?”
No man, don’t do that. Don’t play yourself that way!
The very least you can do is to keep up those things you did to get her and to remain the man she fell for.
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The attention, communication, the understanding, respect, gifts, the way you adored her body… how you stared at her like God’s best creation and Van Gogh’s finest, most-detailed painting… you need to keep it up, fam.
More of the very same!
Ideally, I believe you are actually supposed to get better at these things and become an even better man for her.
Because you’d have known her more, you’d have become privy to more things about her – her strengths, insecurities and weaknesses… you’d have known the things that pleasure her body and excite her mind, the things that make her face light up like a little child's.
After knowing her this deeply, how then do you love her less than you did before you became aware of all these great, beautiful things about her? My guy, how?
If she’s the one you always wanted, ‘seeing her finish’ should not make your efforts at loving her reduced.
It should instead make you love her more. It should make you a far better lover of her, better skilled at making her happy.
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It is a different thing if you got really deep into knowing her and found out that she wasn’t really all she made you think she is.
Loving her less and reducing the efforts to see her happy could be justifiable in that instance.
But to keep doing the barest minimum to hold down your woman, or worse, to reduce your efforts at making her happy just because you finally got her to marry or be in a relationship with you is a crippling kind of complacence that you really should keep at bay.
It’s not the kind of thing real men allow in their relationship with the women they call theirs.
If every man, including you and every other guy you know would strive to never allow complacence in the way they love their partners, then indeed, as my colleague said, all relationships and marriages would be less stressful than many people find them now.