Would I be overdoing this communication thing?
Being attracted to other people while you are in a relationship is a pretty natural, common occurrence.
As I wrote in a previous article, even marriage won’t stop you from crushing on other people.
There’ll be people you’ll see that’ll make you wonder what could have been if you were not already in a relationship with someone else.
The situation is more complicated if it’s not just some random TV face you’re crushing on.
When it’s a man or woman in your neighbourhood, in your church, at work or any other place where you could easily nurture and act on the feeling, the effort required to steer clear of the temptation can really be crazy.
Staying faithful in those situations can be daunting; those are the situations where your resolve to stay loyal will be most tested.
And this is where communication, or rather lack of it comes in. It’s been established that communication between partners is non-negotiable if that relationship is to ever thrive.
It is always advised that partners discuss everything with each other – their problems, weaknesses, secrets and more.
But how sensible is it to disclose this struggle to one’s partner? Will it be too much information?
Will it cause a rift in the relationship or make it easy to overcome the temptation, instead?
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“A married man was once crushing on me in Church and kept fighting the temptation,” says Teju, a 27-year-old employee in Lagos.
“Apparently, it was so difficult for him because he had to see and talk to me during every service as he was the [head of my department].”
“Seeing how hard it was to stay true to his marital vows, this man went ahead and confessed to his wife that he’d been having a crush to me and he’d been struggling with the temptation.”
“I know this because he told me about all this later and how he thought telling his wife was going to help him get over the crush.
“I don’t know what his wife said or how she reacted, he refused to tell me that part.”
“What I know, though, is that the wife changed towards me immediately after that. She became rude and disrespectful and all that.” she adds.
And, right there, is the problem with disclosing this kind of sensitive and ambiguous information with one’s spouse.
Revealing this to your partner is to leave the situation and your subsequent relations with that person open to an interpretation at their discretion.
Instead of understanding, it could plant seeds of doubt and suspicion in your partner’s mind and make things really awkward for you both.
Of course, there can be sure answer to whether or not you should communicate this.
Each relationship and the partners in it should just know each other and act and share things with each other accordingly.
What should be borne in mind at all times is that although communication in a relationship is paramount, there remains some things that are better left unsaid and secrets that are best locked away forever – away from even your partner.
What’s your take on this issue? Should you tell your partner something like this or just find a way to ride the wave yourself?